So one of my good friends, who I have known since high school, recently posted on her blog, “Plight of the Plus Sized,” a post mainly concerning how plus sized people, particularly women, don’t have a great variety of option when it comes to trendy clothing. This is true. We don’t. In fact, my friend and I used to have long discussions about this when we were young. She sympathised with me, because I usually had to break the bank when I wanted to buy something pretty – and there wasn’t much pretty available.
But instead of seeing the good in this post – that is to say, that my friend was pointing out a glaring gap in the plus size fashion market, and the discrepancy between straight and plus sized clothing – a bunch of people who do not know my friend decided to comment on one particular, insignificant, flippant part of her post:
I should start this off by saying that I am not plus sized, nor have I ever been. I suspect this is due in large part to growing up with a mother who’s love of health food borderlined on obsession. It’s hard to not be thin when your diet consists mostly of vegetables and things that have the words “wholemeal”, “soy”, “natural” and “skim” in their names.
Ignoring her incorrect use of “who’s,” which has naturally offended my Editor-to-be, my friend did not intend to offend. She was simply explaining her context for the post. She did not want to deceive the few people that read her post. I’m not saying this condescendingly, as if no one would want to read her blog – she honestly believed she was talking to a group of five or so people, all of whom knew her well enough to know that she would never say something to intentionally hurt someone. Perhaps that’s why I, her plus size friend mentioned and linked in her post, didn’t take offense.
Retrospectively, I understand the confusion caused by the statement, “It’s hard not to be thin when your diet consists mostly of vegetables...” I understand the possible implication that would produce – that if you eat healthy, and you’re still fat, then it’s somehow your fault. But my friend was highlighting that her childhood diet was unusually healthy, which she explains in greater detail here. My friend was a very thin girl, who actually got bullied as a child for appearing underweight. This bullying is just the same as if an overweight girl were to be bullied. We target and criticise that which is not the idealised norm.
She made a statement that was worded in a way that was offensive to some people. I guess that’s the nature of the internet and the rise of political correctness – someone, somewhere is going to be pissed off at you.
People began reblogging her post, accusing her of “disrespecting fat people” and outright calling her an asshole, a bitch, and other things like that.
Firstly: This is bullying. If you think that my friend’s statement was ignorant, prove your intelligence and tell her in a civilised manner. By using language like that, you are becoming what you claim to be above: a bully. I know this sounds very juvenile, calling people bullies, but it’s true. We will never reach an intelligent dialogue by calling each other names.
Secondly: Disrespecting fat people?
From I Like Pretty Clothes:
My motherfucking fridge is full of natural, whole foods and I’m fucking fat. If it WASN’T full of natural, whole foods I wouldn’t be any less awesome or deserving of respect.
To begin with, thank you for telling us about your refrigerator. I am also delighted to hear that your fridge is having relations with your mother. Well done on the fridge. But more importantly, I Like Pretty Clothes, you’ve said that you should be respected, regardless of your diet. I totally agree. All people should. Equality, and all that. What you’ve demonstrated, however, through your entire post, is your incapability to show that same respect you claim to deserve to another person who you admit you were not originally offended by until someone provided that statement with a new context and interpretation.
I’m grateful to see that later, when you’d calmed down, you were able to see that my friend’s intention was good. Thank you. Because it obviously was. And, as a stranger who does not know her, you should give her the benefit of the doubt, because she did nothing wrong except mis-phrase something – although, once again, she was simply explaining her own context, which she is perfectly within her rights to do.
Verybusyandimportant was another who contributed:
Hey, OP? Here’s a little lesson in not being an asshole: Lots of people grow up eating a diet that consisted primarily of vegetables, whole grains, lean meats, and fat free dairy products and still end up fat. Assuming that you’re thin because you eat a healthy diet implies that I’m fat because I don’t and that is a judgmental, oppressive statement. You just said that it’s my fault that I’m fat and that I could do something about it if I wanted to.
Oh, you didn’t mean to say that? Well you did.
Hey, it’s super awesome that you want to support us poor fatties who want to dress well, but you need to learn how to do so without acting superior about how you eat and, by extension, about how you assume we eat. Until you’ve mastered that, please sit down, be quiet and listen/read.
You think I sound like a bitch? So did you. And if you’re going to talk about a group to which you don’t belong without doing your homework, you’re going to have to expect that.
Homework? Vbusy&Important, my friend has done the homework. By that, I mean that she has listened to me whinge and whine and cry and bitch about my weight since our early years. She knows. She sympathises.
I understand that the perpetuation of dismissing overweight people is a terrible thing. But they’re not the only ones getting dismissed. Everyone is judged for something. That’s the nature of the world. It’s full of jerks. And you are joining in on that choir. You’re shoving a huge wedge between yourself and thin people, as if you don’t have common experiences of being marginalised. This us vs. them mentality is in itself a perpetuation of the culture of judgement. My friend was never pretending to be better than anyone, to be “superior.” She was being mature enough to think outside her box, and for that, I applaud her. Through the experiences I have provided her with, plus her own experiences with being teased for her weight issues (other end of the scale – no pun intended) she understands. Knows AND understands. So if you don’t have the capacity to calmly and rationally tell my friend that her phrasing of that particular sentence could have been worked upon, then you are frankly not worth her time and you are doing more harm than good for your own cause.
I don’t know if those addressed will ever read this. I don’t even know if those following will ever read this. I’m new to blogging, after all. But I felt compelled to defend my friend in this matter, because she was crucified over nothing, and it wasn’t fair. I can only hope that she isn’t taking the words of these petty, small-minded people to heart, because they do not know what a powerful, well-rounded person she is. They know nothing of her life, her experiences – nothing about her. They should be so lucky to meet someone so worthy of their friendship, who is willing to step into the shoes of her fat friend. She defended me when we were kids – now I’m defending her.
She has nothing to apologise for.
